Of course there are some Fridays that will not make the cut in the Fun category. So this will show you how the end of these Fridays turned educational so that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Next week we'll get back to the juicy details. There is a good and bad side to everything. The parties did end. Just weeks ago J and I were talking. We've kept in touch all these years many of them tumultuous and we've hurt each other's feelings a time or two yet we hold that sisterly bond. But during our separation we've both lived thru some challenges and had to atone for some of the times we partied first and asked questions later. My sister J made some sacrifices in her life to look out for me that have elevated me to a new level. Yet even while I'm excelling toward a goal that I hope will end up providing us both a platform I fuck up.
J knew I was leaving the south. The reasons are too many to list at this point however; and because of a gift that she gave me years ago I was able to realize a move cross country. The sun was beaming down this particular Friday. It was my 5th Friday in the golden state. I regretted the move even before it started. All of my motivations were the same but there was a missing ingredient. But it is not cool to speak ill of the dead… Maybe he's not dead for real but, he's dead to me. But, as the transition took place I couldn't find J. My other "girlfriends" are landlocked and would never find themselves in similar positions. They couldn't possibly offer me any words of advice. The certainly weren't going to be offering words of encouragement they wanted me to come "home".
All these weeks until this 5th Friday I remained in silence. I only spoke to my mother. The other times I visited and surveyed the area to stake out where in this vast sunshiny land I would make my home I was mystified by the sun and it's tingle on my skin while a cool ocean breeze blew across. It was like a meteorological oxymoron. This time it was gray, and stinging and painful. I don't remember any colors for 5 weeks. Because I placed my trust in something other than me my accommodations were horrible. I was living in a tiny transient hotel in filth and squalor. My skin itched at the thought of taking a shower in such a filthy bathroom. I wasn't able to sit on a toilet for 35 days. I had to mop the floors 5 times before I was comfortable enough to take my clothes off in the room and let them land on the floor. I prayed before I touched the comforters and sheets.
The refrigerator kept the food lukewarm, there was a gas leak in the stove and I was most times afraid to go to sleep for fear my children and I wouldn't wake up. I walked 12 hours a day most days trying to fix other peoples mistakes in my life. Then I realized it was all my mistake anyway. I knew better than to follow any love. But this notable Friday I was $100 short of my necessity. Then I caught a ray of sunshine I imagine that the sun was shining the whole time but I couldn't see it. There on the corner of M Street and Avalon was a little store that was selling a tent for 14.99. There were no shelters that had room the mortgage crisis had taken a sudden toll on my western paradise. The hotel was so nasty and hot this tent was like striking water in the desert. I breathed a sigh of relief. It would be hard but, we had to do it and I had no place to come up with $100 in 24hrs. It would be a hard sell because my children were completely mortified with the current accommodations. But they trusted that I would do something, I was hoping that somehow they would come to forgive a couple of weeks in a tent.
I walked the three blocks home to find that while my cell phone batter was dead and lost it's charge my biological sister had been trying to call she figured I needed some money because I had taken a lot of financial hits as of late. She paid for us to stay somewhere safe and clean. When the children went to school I just sat in the room and cried. While my journeys have moved me into some harsh realities Friday proves to be the day that forces move for me. It remains a day of action for me and a turn in circumstances. I was saved from this pit on Friday. There have been Fun Fridays. I even went to jail on Friday. But they all seem to mold me in the direction that I need to take. After I got over this particular snare in my life my Babalawo did a reading for me. He said that I would be a person who does much for others and not to expect anyone to do things for me. That I should see myself as a man (no not a dyke) and that I will be responsible for myself and should look out for my own future.
I'm not going to lie that shit hurt but sometimes you have to take it like a man right? So I never accept gifts anymore. I never believe promises. I learned that people will have your money in they pocket and thumb their noses at you about why you ain't got shit. I learned and it hurt but, I learned. Because I don't expect anything from anyone I am so much happier. No one can ever let me down again. I will never end up in a sleazy spot because I believed in anything other than my own power. Fridays are educational too.
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