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| MARRIAGE IS NOT MY CUP OF TEA |
When I was a young woman the mandate for dating is that you should date for the soul purpose of finding a suitable partner for marriage. A Wikipedia article describes traditional dating as: a stage of romantic or sexual relationships in humans whereby two or more people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship that consists of social activities done by the couple. To that extent, the socially accepted reason for dating is to find a partner to procreate and carry on the tasks society deems the norm.
New research indicates that marriage is primarily beneficial
to men. Women work harder make less money and are subject to abuse and
philandering on a large scale. Marriage is not really a good goal for a woman
who decides to date especially after she turns 40. After 40 most of the child
rearing responsibilities are gone. Does these mean women should go out to
pasture since they don’t have such demanding parental responsibilities? What if you decided against children? Is
marriage a requirement if you don’t follow a traditional path?
What about sex? Since dating is defined by society as a
custom with the ultimate goal of being coupled and being coupled is not in a
woman’s best interest according to research are you then supposed to be sent to
the corner and be denied of sexual expression?
I’ve decided hell no for myself.
For me dating takes a significant shift after 40. My priorities
and expectations have changed. Now that my children are adults I don’t need a
co-pilot. I am pretty self-sufficient. I don’t need a man for hunting. I want
one for companionship because the social activities don’t just vanish because
you don’t have a partner. Of course, you can do solo things. I’m enjoying many
solo activities! However; human nature
dictates that we are social creatures. When we become lonely it impacts our
health and outlook on life.
Much of the literature I’ve come across pigeon holds women
into waiting to be chosen. In my opinion this practice leads to a real thirst
trap for women. We are expected to rock back and forth waiting like shelter
dogs for someone to adopt us. No wonder women take so much abuse and crap! You wait and wait to enjoy social activities
designed for two and when someone finally lands you don’t want to let go!
My choice is not to sit this stage of life out waiting. I’m
going to take this battle to the streets. Why does marriage have to be the ultimate
goal? Why can’t the goal be quality
companionship and mutual benefit? For me owning and being owned by another has
been a futile and non-productive cycle. I’m sure this is because of my poor
choices however; the deed is done and I refuse to punish myself and deny myself
the social activities and courtship of dating. Perhaps I will date until I die?
Perhaps one of these dates will prove to be fruitful? I can’t see the future
but, research shows that having companionship is beneficial to your health. I’m
not going to live lonely because I haven’t been picked.
Perhaps I should sit on the sidelines like a wallflower
while the others dance, but I’m not. I like to dance, I can dance by myself but
it’s fun to dance with others also. That’s why this will be a journey. I don’t
have any answers. I hope we can come up with solutions together!
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