How does Domestic Violence in Black families Undermine Our Social Efforts?

Topic
Title: Black Hearts: How culturally specific programs can benefit African-American women leaving abusive relationships
Research Question:
How will the implementation of culturally specific domestic violence programs decrease the number of times African-American women return to abusive relationships?
Purpose Statement:
The purpose of this study is to determine whether or not the intersection of race makes a difference in providing support to African- American women in transition after abusive relationships. This project will examine the demographics of women who most frequently return to abusive relationships and whether or not education, employment and racial dynamics of the treatment program can improve the outcomes after shelter. African-American women will be surveyed in two groups those who return to the same or different abusers within a six month period after a shelter stay and after completing a culturally specific domestic violence program. The information obtained from these surveys can be used to develop intensive culturally specific treatment program to provide assistance to African-American women who are the least paid women in the United States and who may be most vulnerable to return to violent relationships.
Problem Statement
Despite the gains of the civil rights movement 40 years ago black women remain the least paid across the board. (U.S. Census, Current population reports, 2007) 32% of black households have an average income of less than $15,000 each year this figure is nearly equal to the combined percentages of the Hispanic and Asian population with income less than $15,000 annually. (U.S. Census, Current population reports, 2007) Domestic violence advocates note that one of the main reasons for women in general to return to abusive home lives is that they lack the financial ability to remain in safe environments. (Landes, 1995) Dr. Joy Leary also adds that African-Americans in particular suffer from Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, hundreds of years after the Transatlantic Slave Trade because of the actual event of enslavement and subsequent centuries of multigenerational abuse. (Leary, n.d.) Dr. Leary argues that “research has shown that severe trauma can affect multiple generations,” (Vasilikas, 2005, p. 152) similar to the trauma that Jewish people have suffered even when they were not directly injured in the torture camps of Hitler. “There are many manifestations of trauma, so it is no wonder the list of post traumatic slave syndrome symptoms described in this book is long and varied” according to Pamela Hammond’s and Bertha Davis’ review of the Leary’s book that is entitled the same as the condition. Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome affects blacks in America by damaging their ability to parent, interact socially with each other, and in their sexuality among a myriad of other areas in their lives despite the perceived advances from the Civil Rights movement.
The majority of domestic intervention programs only use the cultural model established by adherents of Western culture rather than a holistic view that Africans have subscribed to for centuries. African Americans have a different ethos system than the prevailing ethos system of the U.S. Blacks in America have a more community oriented world view rather than a possession oriented world view. (Karenga, 2002) The damage caused by embracing Western beliefs is evident in Haiti which is the poorest country in the Americas. (Gage & Hutchinson, 2006) Studies in Haiti indicate, “…the importance of adopting a multidimensional approach to the measurement of power in sexual relationships.” (Gage & Hutchinson, 2006, p. 21) Meaning there has to be a significant effort to redirect the beliefs that men have regarding gender roles as well. Those facts, among others leave black women in double jeopardy in terms of breaking the cycle of violence. Researchers hypothesize that school performance decreases with exposure to violence. “Dora Black found that children exposed to disaster were twice as likely to develop psychological disorders,” according to an article published in the Journal of the National Medical Association. (Shakoor & Chalmers, 1991) Previously Joy Osofsky concluded, “Adolescent problems related to violence exposure have been most visible, both in the literature and in the media.” (Ofsofsky, 1995, p. 783) However; very young children exposed to violence, although research is limited, also exhibit stress from violent relationships. (Ofsofsky, 1995) Osofsky also adds that the experience of experiencing violence in relationships has a negative affect on parent’s ability to parent effectively. (Ofsofsky, 1995) In the end the effects of violence end up being passed down to children. Children who witness violence in the home have a propensity to commit violent crimes later in life, are more likely to become delinquents. (Margolin & Gordis, 2000) It is imperative that this public health emergency be resolved.







References
Gage, A. J., & Hutchinson, P. L. (2006). Power, Control, and Intimate Partner Sexual. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 35(1), 11-24. doi: 10.1007/s10508-006-8991-0
Karenga, M. (2002). Introduction to Black Studies. New York: Univ of Sankore Pr.
Landes, A. (1995). Violent Relationships Battering and Abuse Among Adults. Wylie: Information Plus (TX).
Leary, J. D. (2001). A disertation on african american male violence: "trying to kill the part of you that isn't loved (Unpublished doctoral dissertation). Portland State University.
Margolin, G., & Gordis, E. B. (2000). The Effects of Family and Community Violence on Children. Annual Review of Psychology, 51(1), 445-480. Retrieved November 29, 2009, from http://proxy.thechicagoschool.edu:2048/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=buh&AN=3076152&site=ehost-live
Ofsofsky, J. (1995). The Effects of Exposure to Violence. American Psychologist, 50(September), 9th ser., 782-788. Retrieved November 29, 2009, from http://proxy.thechicagoschool.edu:2052/ehost/detail?vid=4&hid=107&sid=edcadd10-bfbe-4458-95e8-6f75f0b984f4%40sessionmgr113&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=pdh&AN=amp-50-9-782
Shakoor, B. H., & Chalmers, D. (1991). Co-victimization of African-American children who witness violence: effects on cognitive, emotional, and behavioral development. Journal of the National Medical Association, 83(3), 233-238.
United States of America, U.S. Census Bureau, U.S. Department of Commerce. (2007). Current population reports (pp. 60-233). Retrieved November 1, 2009, from http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/tables/09s0668.pdf
Vasilikas, A. (2005, February). Breaking the Chains. Essence, 150-153.

An Enemy of the STATE!!!

Recently I was watching a television news program that reported 1 in 5 black women are overweight. On the surface it would seem that black women need to eat less and move more. However, since I am a part of that number I thought to myself, "I am constantly moving more and I never get to eat. It seems like I'm always running around somewhere hungry..." For those examining that statistic from outside of the community it may lend to a belief that black women are simply greedy and lazy, but that can't be it. It caused me to do some real evaluation of my own situation and led me to create this series. A few years ago while at National Council on Black Studies conference I listened to a presentation about black women's lives in East St. Louis, Mo. The poverty level in this area is greater than the national average. The study found that black women work harder, get paid less and are responsible for more people and this trend holds true regardless of geographic location. These conclusions caused me to do some tretrospective thinking in my own life regarding weight. I've identified some "Enemies of the State" in terms of black women's health and wellness that apply to me but the many women I've come in contact with over the years from many parts of the country. The thre main recurring themes in black women's lives that may contribute to an ability to maintain healthy weight are a.) disorganization, b.) stress and c.) poverty of course these three things are not the only reason however; many of the underlying issues can be attributed in some way to one of these things.

In order to successfully attack weight issues women who carry so much responsibility are going to need to choose a different apporoach from the conventional methods and understanding. We are not simply cattle who can be fed less and trotted around the barnyard more and voila we're healthy. We have a connection to the earth and spirit that no other woman has. We were here first and we carried mankind from the tip of South Africa to the southern tip of South America on our backs and in our bellies. From the time the Creator formed a human regardless of your world view that woman was black and without us there would be nothing and nobody. Now let's unpack this together.

DISORGANIZATION Black women lead communal liees despite the political climate of the day or the influence of Western culture. In my oppinion it would be abnormal for black women to proclaim an independence from being an integral part of the lives of people around her. When you hear people give the message "you have to break away," in order to succeed they are usually trying to impose a western world view on you. You are "Superwoman" and anything less than honing your super powers is nonsense. We can't live our lives on the life lessons of white women because we are the creation that brought woman hood to town. We have and will carry many burdens. Why do you think so many of our gospel songs in the Christian realm carry messages of a day when burdens will be over? Because we are carrying burdens, you are not likely to sing of burdens unless you have them. The problem with carrying the world on your shoulders is that you are constantly juggling... Imagine a juggling act in a circus... The juggler starts out with three balls then adds a couple more... then releases 1 and ands 2 more without stopping the movement. Our lives as black women can become quite chaotic indeed. How many times have you been disturbed in sleep or in leisure because one of the people or situations in your life (balls) has entered or exited? We're going to get organized together in this series! And this is the perfect time sisters as we approach the holiday season. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs and practices you are more than likely required to honor the traditions and beliefs of others. Even if Christmas and Thanksgiving don't fall on your doorstep more than likely it occurs for people you love and all the chaos and tress caused by these holidays is enough to cause anyone to end up with some unwanted weight gain in the end. We are going to identify chaos and how disorganization effects some of our eating habits and try to tackle those issues.

STRESS - Emotional eating - I do that and We are going to keep a journal throughout this to address those things. No matter what you weigh stress is a killer and I beleive that alleviating stress is necessary to weight loss and quality of life. This thing is going to be a deep and personal inventory. I'm going to share my personal battles with you and I'm hoping that each of you share yours with me.
Stress is also a belly fat creator. I recently watched a speech given by Dr. Harris-Lacewell a black scholar from Princeton who is ofte called to speak on cable news networks about the black perspective. This particular speech she spoke about how negative thoughts and feelings create an increased production of cortisol and cortisol increases belly fat.
Stress also creates a breeding ground for stress related illnesses like hypertension. You can't just stop eating salt and then inadequately handles stress and expect hypertension to be alleviated.

POVERTY - Black women are the least paid and the hardest worked. We are required to care for more people with the least resources. We are going to learn how to work with what we have to achieve our goals. Sometimes transportation to stores that serve healthy foods is an issue. Sometimes we have to sacrifice quantity over quality.

Of course there is an element of truth to portion control and exercise. We will of course integrate those things into our personally and tailor made "Home Improvement" program. After all Home is where the heart is... And of course we will have guest bloggers which have areas of expertise in helping us to achieve our goals.

Here's the plan ladies... Monday mornings we will have our initial weekly post... not just boring me blogging about my particular issues but, we are going to involve guest writers who have something to add to the discourse. Monday mornings are going to be a time of thought provoking discovery of the weeks topic and we will have a small assignment. NO BIG ASSIGNMENTS WE HAVE ENOUGH TO DO ALREADY. Wednesday we will check back in together and discuss how this weeks post is applicable to our to our lives and what changes we can make to integrate a new approach in order to build a better ME! Then we will check back in together on Friday to see if the things we decided to change are practical and work for our daily lives and how we can insure that we can put these to work in our lives forever. Now mind you I am not a guru. This is a path we will walk together and we are going to take it slow. We will commit to losing 1 lb a week and if we make it ok and if not oh well we are healing our total selves 1st and I'm hoping that everything will come together from there.
This post is rather long because it is the 1st of a 52 week series... We don't have much time I know so there won't be many long posts...

1ST ASSIGNMENT --- A BUTTERFLY JOURNAL I like to think of this journey as that of a catepillar turning into a butterfly. It's easy to invest in 1 a few sheets of paper stapled or a spiral notebook. You can decorate it or choose one decorated for you. Make sure it's one that you will enjoy looking at and look forward to using week after week. Wednesday write down how each of the 3 EMEMIES OF THE STATE come into play in your life regardless of whether or not they directly affect your weight. Let's check back in Wednesday to get some responses!

Peace!

Assignment: Do something deviant... How funny...

How do deviant’s express deviance? No conversation about deviance can occur without discussing the impact that African-American’s and other minorities have on the description of deviant behavior. Most conversations of deviance begin with western input definitions and descriptions. In that light deviant behavior is any behavior deemed against the norm is defined by second hand information received by western scholars. The information can be viewed as being received as second hand because for thousands of years people were able to interact with each other without labels prior to Aristotelian categorizations. As a black woman I am personally tired of the minority group defining acceptable practices for the rest of the world simply because they have been able to successfully rob scores of the world’s people by simply inventing a gun. In essence the deviants are defining deviance throughout the world simply because of a power illusion created by money.

Deviance was constructed well before the works of the renowned scholars listed in Goode’s “Deviant Behavior”. One of the earliest attempts to associate deviance with African people was Dr. Richard Cartwright’s report in the New Orleans Medical Journal entitled, “Report on the Diseases and physical Peculiarities of the Negro Race.” (Cartwright, pp. 691-715) In this work Dr. Cartwright explained almost every difference in African’s between white people in terms of physicality rather than the cultural expressions he was describing. By carefully reading this account a roadmap to current theories psychologists and sociologists subscribe to in some way begin from this short-sighted world view. Goode states that in defining deviance there must be a “focus on the number and power of the people who define a given a given act.” (Goode, p. 16) However; I would interject that from a historical standpoint race and its subsequent spoil of victory “power” seem to have more of an impact than number in many cases. The easiest assignment that you can give a person of color is to commit an act of deviance and it is also the hardest. If one replays nearly every conversation on deviance they have ever participated or listened to African-Americans are rarely left out of the conversation. Even when there is apparent deviance operating in western culture whites in particular Africans and their descendants are foremost on the list of areas in which deviance originates. For example, many like to blame rap music lyrics as a source of the connotation of deviance when the majority of rap music is purchased by whites and the majority of record label executives that contract rappers are white. (Kitwana) The starving artist is then penned as the culprit of deviance rather than the sick people engaged in frenzy to promote dysfunction. In addition, rational people don’t use an art form to pigeon hold a group of people’s existence however, when sociologists define deviance in self-serving terms the deviant group retains authority.

An author or sociologist who defines deviance as an act against the norm and then adds that the number and power of those who judge the act as a precursor to a working thesis on the matter is also preserving cultural exclusivity in that it allows people with power to maintain the status of setting the rules. It is absolutely preposterous to believe that a small minority of people because of financial acuity and their manipulation of facts retain rights and privilege over the majority in defining normalcy. Of course the subset of “societal deviance” includes that each particular group maintains their own set of beliefs and values that must be considered however, this still promotes the idea that normalcy is found in one particular group yet members of other groups can still define normalcy of their own but, does not give it rights as the majority because of their lack of power and number.

As a black woman I wake up every morning as a deviant. Cartwright’s legacy includes that because of the color of my skin that normalcy can’t be defined with me. It was believed that Africans had more nerves so that they were unable to control impulses. When I go to the store, I’m almost certainly watched in case I may fall prey to impulsivity and steal something. Because of the neighborhood that I live in it is perceived that there will be scores of deviant activities that surround me that I can’t fight against. When I am summoned I’m considered a girl or “gal” in the South even though I have given birth to a son who is an adult. When I approach anyone about a problem I may be experiencing I am quickly scrutinized in an attempt to keep me from “getting over”, and receiving consideration without merit. When I point out issues that impact my sovereign rights I am quickly dismissed as an “angry black woman”. Every aspect of my daily interactions are inspected for deviance because it is a given that I embody deviance. I am presumed to be unable to care for my children, myself and certainly that I am unable to make decisions for the majority because I am somehow defective. Just being a college student is considered deviant as most times I am overlooked as some meritless affirmative action experiment. Simply engaging in classroom discussions is often an exercise in helping me understand the real world, rather than embracing of a different point of view. For 3 ½ years each and every classroom interaction has included some sort of degradation ceremony where I’m forced to defend my culture or “socially distance” in order to retain normalcy when in fact there is nothing any different about my existence than anyone else’s. Waking up in the morning and continuing to choose natural hair over processed is an act of deviance and a degradation ceremony all its own. By wearing my marked status I am immediately put on trial and my group loyalty is brought into question. The only way to circumvent the sentence is to punish my hair by straightening it.

Goode further impacts this rhetoric in that I do not have the number and power in the United States or throughout western culture to be normal, or at least to define deviance. Marked statuses don’t perform at any different level than any other group except that the labeling that occurs prevents the ability to acquire the money and power in order to effect change. How I wept in reading Cartwright’s condemnation of Africans in America to deviance by narrating the point that it is a peculiarity that the “Negro” responds to love and respect. (Cartwright, pp. 691-715) While Goode’s definition is true I believe a better way to study and define deviance would leave out the question of power because the powerful are often the main contributors to deviance. In discussing this dilemma with my partner Gihoon I was immediately brought back to an interaction with one of my son’s best friends who attends middle school with him. When Samnang first came home with my son I immediately recognized he was Cambodian. Long Beach California has the largest Cambodian population outside of Cambodia. My son Antonio burst into the door and said, “Mom this is my friend Sam. But, he really has another name but we call him Sam.” Then my son grabbed his backpack and showed me the letters SAMNANG written across his backpack in indelible ink. I immediately asked him, “Well how do you pronounce it?” His eyes told me a story I knew all too well for myself. He was so accustomed to his name being butchered that he was a little shocked by my desire to know how to say it. I gave it a try and pronounced, “sam yang?” His eyes lit up. “I said that’s the right way?” He answered in the affirmative. I asked him if he preferred to be called Sam or if it was just the best way for keeping his name from being mangled. He said that Sam was OK. I told my son later that there is no reason to be unable to pronounce another person’s name we all have the same lips and mouth. I asked Gihoon where he was from and then has he been asked, “Does he know Karate?” Even though Korea and karate are not synonymous I recognized that a pan-Asian stereotype may be one of his experiences as well. It seems to me as if we may be creating a majority.

Father's Day...

Father’s Day is often a muted celebration in African American communities because of the intersectionality of public policy, law and economics with race in the black community. The ideological family is often rendered dysfunctional because of the prevailing hegemonic definition of family that often does not include the overarching theme of racism that colors black families. Black families are punished for their existence outside of the ideological boundaries instituted by whites in a variety of ways such as, economic sanction that often punishes alliances outside of the perceived norm, legal sanctions that create the absence of one or more parents, and government inquiry that question parents ability to provide stability, rather than addressing social constructs that create disparities in families. As a result Father’s Day is often painful for black fathers who have been historically unable to overcome institutionalized slavery and live up to the expectations of whites ignorant to their own privilege, and for their children often left behind internalizing their father’s absence as their fault.
Of course President Obama’s constant attacks on black men grappling with fatherhood and racism don’t help the situation. Rather than confront the reasons some black men are unable to engage in their children’s lives he seeks to follow the hegemonic ideology illustrated by Patricia Hill “It’s All in the Family: Intersections of Gender, Race and Nation”, She writes, “For example, racial ideologies that portray people of color as intellectually underdeveloped, uncivilized children require parallel ideas that construct Whites as intellectually mature, civilized adults.” (Rosenblum & Travis, 2008, p. 353) Obama seems to believe that black men lack the maturity and intelligence to realize they need to be part of their children’s lives, and refuses to address many factors which drive fathers away from home who often long to be a part of their children’s lives. Many of his comments resemble a natural law language that would lend to the idea that black men need to be told how to do something that is normal for civilized people.
It is difficult to understand his inability to address these issues even though his perfectly organized family unit was attacked simply because of his mother-in-law’s invitation to join the family in the White House. The socially normal family unit described by Collins, consists of a husband, wife, and children who all subscribe to assigned gender roles and whose economic survival is solely determined by the man. (Rosenblum & Travis, 2008, p 352) The introduction of a mother-in-law in Obama’s case was met with marked criticism including a reference of the mother-in-law and the family pet in equal positions. While Obama readily defended his mother-in-law he has not been so ready to defend black men.
The earliest social welfare structures of the 60’s based on the family structure of privilege whites was superimposed on families of color in a way to explain their inability to care for themselves without state sponsored aid. Families were sanctioned when a man lived in the home as men are supposed to “support and defend” the home (Rosenblum & Tate, 2008, p. 355) These models didn’t take into account the affect of racism on wages and the ability for men to take care of their families. Additionally, some of the welfare policies are similar to Alfred Stone Holt’s Plantation Experiment, in that men who did not work according to Holt’s internalized beliefs were barred from the plantation and their families. In order to get the benefits offered by states in aiding the poor the men of the family were often hidden and volumes written about their absence detail including describing their absence apparent lack of as defect particular to them. It becomes evident that black men have internalized that they are of little value to their families if they are unable to provide economic support. Negative eugenic efforts are developed to keep targeted populations from increasing as explained by Collins, reinforces the promotion of the stereotypical ideal family by imposing the idea that babies born outside of wedlock, to poor people are less valuable to society. When people don’t successfully navigate white ideals they are punished for having children through policy. Black children then become punishment rather than family.
Social welfare programs also played other important roles in the institutionalization of racism. Another notable way is the passing of laws to compel absent parents to provide support rely on the belief that not providing support is a characteristic of the uncivilized and applied across the board and rarely examine the prevalence of racism, disability or other factors in relation to child support. They provide a standard formula of assessing support and a man who is unable to meet the assigned allotment is imprisoned (further putting him in arrears) and decreasing opportunities for gainful employment by adding to his criminal record. The Universal Child Support system does not take into account the fact that black men are often the last hired, the first fired, and the least paid. In addition men separated from the mother of their children often don’t make enough money on low wage paying jobs to take care of their own basic needs, this reality is incorrectly attributed as a man not working hard enough even though lower wages are noted for the most strenuous labor. Men who would make more effort to be in their children’s lives are often forced to interact minimally, because of the fear of damaging current relationships and imprisonment. Once again public policy and laws that hold the white family structure as “right” have served to disenfranchise black men and are a cause from black male absence from the family not his inability or desire to do so.
Collins also states that the family unit is legitimized by marriage, which is simply a state sanctioned family structure rather than a biological core. (Rosenblum & Travis, 2008, p.352) The only way to be considered married is by signing a contract by legal witnesses. Previously marriage was simply a ritual to alert the community of a change in relationship. White privilege even asserts the bible as defense of the white model of family even though the bible has several illustrations that oppose the U.S. view of marriage. Social Darwinism, the belief that modern people are an evolution or improvement of ancient societies(Rosenblum & Travis, 2008, p. 343) maintains the rituals of ancient societies are primitive expressions and the family is not legitimated until the contemporary is position is adopted. Black families created outside the bonds of marriage are automatically considered a result of defective moral fortitude. In an effort to escape the perception of abnormality blacks inclined to remain life partners often damage family bonds by demanding legitimization. In one corner we have sisters demanding to be legitimized because marriage creates normalcy. In the opposite corner, brothers are in opposition instilled with a belief that legitimization should only occur with a woman who fits the stereotypical role often defined by white male privilege. In the middle, women who don’t fit the gender role associated with women which include, avoiding dangerous places like public streets, remain in the home and not pursue outside interests and activities is often disadvantaged. (Rosenblum & Tate, 2008, p. 355) And men who have internalized that their families are better off without them because of their inability to meet the demands of white privilege. As a result the difference that difference makes is few fathers in the home.
Laws in relation to the support of children are but a tip of the iceberg in navigating the intimation of the meaning of difference in the black experience. A plethora of laws designed to keep blacks and other minorities in check after slavery ended was unleashed on the people of the United States. In an essay explaining white privilege entitled, “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, author Peggy McIntosh describes white privilege as, “an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools and blank checks.”(Rosenblum & Tate,2008, 368). Whites don’t regard laws as being enacted to institutionalize racism and they feel that if they need help with legal matters their race won’t work against them. (Rosenblum & Tate, 2008, p. 370) From this standpoint it is difficult to see law as anymore than a way to keep the peace but historically and currently the law has served as a way to control how and where blacks exist and to what degree whites interact with them.
Several measures of the Supreme Court served to preserve the premise of social Darwinism among the races. The 13th amendment provides that the only way someone can be compelled to work without being paid is if he is being punished. (Rosenblum & Tate, 2008, p. 385) The constitution did not address the natural language used to state that blacks were predestined to maintain occupations of servitude it simply said you have to give them something for their labor. This established a need to develop ways to punish people in order maintain unpaid labor. The Dred Scott decision in particular shows how codes can be used to support racist policies. Dred Scott was denied U.S. citizenship because of his race this fact is undeniable, however clever judges disguised their racial bias by making the argument of states’ rights in the opinion. It concluded that just because he was a resident/citizen of a particular state “does not by any means follow, because he has all the rights and privileges of a citizen of a State, that he must be a citizen of the United States “(Rosenblum & Travis, 2008, p. 384), the codebook of law seems to be a prevailing theme in which racism can be exercised under the guise of colorblind justice even though this most racist institution is another cause for black men being absent. The war on drugs is also disguised in this code when it is simply another way to punish.
Jim Crow laws were enacted “to ensure that all blacks were restricted to a subordinate status, southern states systematically enacted “Jim Crow” laws, rigidly segregating society into black and white communities.”(Rosenblum & Travis, 2008, p 388) Vagrancy laws among others kept blacks from demanding fair compensation for their labor. Simply standing while black was punishable with jail time until a boss would come and hire you at a wage he determined. So it is not hard to correlate the earliest drug laws were clearly defined by race and subsequent ones formed through the use of racist propaganda. The first drug law, a ban of the use of opiates in public was instituted that was based in the belief that white women were too weak to keep from being beguiled by Chinese men. Subsequently, the Harrison Act which made cocaine illegal to obtain without a Dr. appears to be more of a way to keep uninsured poor people, often black from getting or selling cocaine rather than concern for public health and safety. The premise emerges that women and minorities are absent the maturity to regulate drug use and those decisions are better made by white men/doctors. Here we can see how a racial ideology forms laws and public policy. In fact, in order to keep slaves working harder and longer they were given cocaine to increase productivity, there are no reports of increased violence either. The fear of cocaine use among blacks only occurred after blacks were in control of their own labor/lives.
Drug dealing, becomes a form of Black Nationalist response to racism in employment. The war on drugs is a coded way to obtain labor from punished inmates. Drug dealing ensnared some of the original Black Panthers who tried to subsidize the black power movement through drug proceeds. The C.I.A similarly subsidized the Iranian civil war by selling cocaine to street dealers and starting the crack epidemic. It is nationally accepted that drug dealers (code for black men) are the dregs of society and deserve to be imprisoned. They are viewed as uncivilized and lazy lacking the moral fortitude to go out and get a job like everybody else. In contrast, little punishment is conferred on pharmaceutical companies that kill thousands of people by selling poorly tested substances sold through misleading advertisements. Many black men turn to drug dealing in order to take care of families and achieve social status. Most notably would be rappers like T.I. and Young Jeezy who sold drugs in order to make enough money to get studio time and launch lucrative entertainment careers. Drug dealers, especially crack dealers were accused of poisoning their own people with drugs although 52% of crack users are white.
While drug dealing is not a particularly black enterprise, the allure of quick money in large quantities is definitely of interest to men running out of options. As a result crack dealers who are 87% black receive 100:1 mandatory minimum sentences which are provided for by the U.S. code. Their counterparts who simply sell the cocaine and fly it in from other countries are not likely to be detected and not as harshly dealt with. If a man can’t get a job at a living wage, and can’t see his children or stay out of jail unless he has money what do you expect for him to do? So another reason black father’s are sometimes missing is because black men are spending life sentences for dealing around 25lbs of cocaine in order to make up for the lack of government response in racist employment and social welfare practices. Rarely do crimes against women and children trigger sentences of over 10 to fifteen years however, being caught dealing the equivalent of 25lbs of sugar in the form of crack cocaine triggers a life sentence. The white co-conspirator who imports and sells the cocaine wholesale and the illegal substance in crack would have to be convicted of selling 2500 lbs in order to get a life sentence.
Collins prescribes at the end of her essay, “Instead of engaging in endless criticism, reclaiming the language of family for democratic ends and transforming the very conception of family itself might provide a more useful approach. (Rosenblum & Tate, 2008, 359) Rather than celebrating Father’s in the traditional sense as so many institutions will this Sunday perhaps celebrating the achievements of black men regardless of their biological ties would be more appropriate, including redefining their absence as institutionally regulated rather than an absence of love and caring for their children. These celebrations should include allowing people to grieve for the father that never had a chance under these circumstances, and releasing the heartache associated through ceremony and ritual. The conclusion of these celebrations should include steps to become active advocates through contacting legislators, sharing their stories, and correcting the misconception of black male family involvement anywhere it is heard. Even if Obama says it!

It is so hard to understand how the needs of the majority continue to be pushed aside for the minority. People of color experiencing racism constitutes the majority on this planet. What an unconscionable stance for a world leader to take… But for real he is doing what he was hired to do… Advance the interests of the United States. His study of and infatuation with Lincoln reinforces his stance on policy. For the good of the sovereignty of the Union… We can’t even discuss racism if you mention Israel? Preposterous! While I am glad that Obama got into the presidency we must remember that he is only African-American in the sense of conjugation of the two adjectives. He is not the son of slaves their ancestral call does not run through his veins and further even if he was a descendant of slaves it looks like he’s chosen the path that many politicians of color have chosen before him. He’s a real company man and his loyalty lies with his employers… I voted for Obama because I wanted to see Michelle as the First Lady and because perhaps this would open the door for the descendants of slaves to become politically active. In my heart I never expected for the President to do anything other than what president’s do… Protect the Union. I guess there's really no need to go to this conference because, it would be a waste of fuel and expense to go some where to talk about an issue that U.S. policy backs up. It's like putting lipstick on a pig! LOL/span>

Fridays Love…

This Friday the 13^th was an emotional mix. Because, I'm ovulating and ovulating makes me horny and emotional. Horny and emotional is bad for any woman especially a Scorpio. Only a Scorpio would know what that means so if you ain't one don't try. That is insider information. I hate feeling this way on a Friday because it usually means that I have some life altering decision that I have to make. The time is usually reflective but, I also don't need to make decisions when I'm ovulating… No woman does. It only takes a couple of days and while no woman wants to admit that there are times where her decision making may not be the best… ovulation is one of those times. Can a woman make good decisions while she is ovulating… of course. Men also have a biological timer within that effects their interpersonal interactions. But, women who are usually dubbed the weaker or inferior don't want to admit to that weakness. This has been a grueling and grimy week.

It all started last Friday when my ex-husband's daughter called. She and her mother were looking for my ex who throughout the course of the marriage and after the divorce told all of his family members, ex-wives girlfriends, and then current wife and girlfriends that if they want to find him CALL TOSHA. Which I'm not gone lie that's my boy and I usually know where his ass is at. Over the last 16 years there has only been 6 mos. When I didn't know where he was. When there are deaths in his family or in his close circle they call me… Where's Tony. Tony has called me from every woman's home that he has ever been with. Here I am Tosh… I was chatting with my mother as we do every morning, as if something was left un-discussed the night before. Which sometimes a good night's sleep gives you a different angle on a situation or predicament. We have solved many life and world crisis over the telephone… Except my personal life… We start out fixing my shit and end up handling the immigration crisis. We had no idea that a former crisis had resolved itself.

His daughter said, "Can I speak to Tosha?" I said, "It's me!" She says this is Sheila have you talked to my Daddy? I'm like no baby, I asked her did she get the address I sent her on Myspace… She didn't for some reason, I sent it but u know cyberspace… So I was digging around in my files for the address. Lord knows I hadn't used it to even send a Christmas card this year. I felt kinda bad as I started to dig for it. I stood up ok I found it. Then she asked, have you heard about Jojo… I'm thinking she had another baby… She was always in competition to have more kids by my ex than I had. She died last week; two weeks ago she was diagnosed with cancer and had 6 months to live. Three weeks later she was dead. My jaw dropped. I was kinda in a twilight episode. I gave her the address and said goodbye but not before her mother in the background talked about how she thinks she and Tony are still married and she has to see an attorney before she gets married. (This woman is a real whack job, but I was still in shock so I just disconnected.)

Jojo Spent 18 of her 38 years on the planet trying to make a man make good on his promises. I mean his sex was good. But, I shared something more than that with him. Most men go home play house with their wives and girlfriends and then run the streets. Tone and I ran the streets together. So his other women could not understand how he would call me and let me talk on the phone to them. I never had a reason to begrudge him a woman wife or girlfriend. Jojo wanted a husband. You could tell because every ounce of her being was integrated in the process. Of course as every woman does she had defects that abusive men like to point out. She was large, she had a skin condition, because she was so mentally beat up she didn't really smile a lot. Her one goal in life was to love Tony and be his wife. She chased him through his first marriage and through mine. In fact, she tried to force Tony to marry her before he divorced me. Which when it came to me and Tony marriage was just a formality, he could have married 10 women, they would have all had to be nice to me, and they would all have to meet me. Now for those that dare think that I am stupid enough to believe that my pussy is the snapper and that's why I make such an outlandish statement you are wrong. When your man is your homeboy… You have homeboy status… Bros. over hoes…


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But, this Friday was not about the memories of me and Tony. It was quiet reflection about a woman who did everything in her power to gain the love of a man that did not love her. She paid his bills, bought his clothes, even when he didn't want that. Everything that women inwardly say they won't do for love she did outwardly. She said ugly things. Called people ugly names because she couldn't make him love her. Her heart was twisted and torn 18 years she loved unrequited. She had his baby. Paid for his babies he had other places. (not mine, she claimed I was a witch) She towed the line for this man. It's so funny because these things can go either way. You can give up too quickly on a man and miss the love of your life. You can give it your all and he shits in your face. Or invite's people to shit in your face. Or has people shit in your face that he loves more than you… Am I now that woman?

How do you know when you are that woman? When your man faithfully calls you and then on Valentine's Day disappears? Do you worry that he is ok? Or do you chalk it up that he's disappeared once again without regard for your feelings or the love you shower or pour on him? How do you know when you love a man that just can't or won't love you? People write books and give speeches about if he doesn't do this that or the other, then he's just not that into you. But, sometimes a man, especially a black man can have so many other pressing issues that he really lets things get away from him. What if he does all the wonderful things that a man usually does but, the things that mean the most to you he overlooks? Is there a balance? I remember one year that my man knew I was having a surgical procedure he used all of his minutes making sure that I was ok the three days before Valentine's Day. So on Valentine's Day he couldn't call. Of course that was a day important to me but he did so much for me before I felt so loved before the holiday… And as soon as he bought more minutes he called me the very next day before dawn. So we have to recognize that there is give and take.

How does a woman know when she has given too much? Of course the love doctor's will say that you can never give too much when you are in love. However, in light of the week's events I am inclined to re-evaluate. How can a woman tell whether or not the man she loves really loves her back. I have a dilemma in my own life perhaps since our readers are standing at about 100 readers subscribed we can develop a working definition of what is giving too much, when are you beating a dead horse or is it really love with just a few bumps.

This Saturday did you spend Valentine's Day with the woman you love… Or did you spend it with the woman who is loving you and you feel obligated to be there?

Editorial: Obama's Other War

As commander-in-chief, President Barack Obama must now oversee our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. As President, he is also responsible for another war, one that has gone on much longer and been more costly in terms of dollars spent and lives lost -- the war on drugs.

read more | digg story

Fun on Fridays do end…

Of course there are some Fridays that will not make the cut in the Fun category. So this will show you how the end of these Fridays turned educational so that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Next week we'll get back to the juicy details. There is a good and bad side to everything. The parties did end. Just weeks ago J and I were talking. We've kept in touch all these years many of them tumultuous and we've hurt each other's feelings a time or two yet we hold that sisterly bond. But during our separation we've both lived thru some challenges and had to atone for some of the times we partied first and asked questions later. My sister J made some sacrifices in her life to look out for me that have elevated me to a new level. Yet even while I'm excelling toward a goal that I hope will end up providing us both a platform I fuck up.

J knew I was leaving the south. The reasons are too many to list at this point however; and because of a gift that she gave me years ago I was able to realize a move cross country. The sun was beaming down this particular Friday. It was my 5^th Friday in the golden state. I regretted the move even before it started. All of my motivations were the same but there was a missing ingredient. But it is not cool to speak ill of the dead… Maybe he's not dead for real but, he's dead to me. But, as the transition took place I couldn't find J. My other "girlfriends" are landlocked and would never find themselves in similar positions. They couldn't possibly offer me any words of advice. The certainly weren't going to be offering words of encouragement they wanted me to come "home".

All these weeks until this 5^th Friday I remained in silence. I only spoke to my mother. The other times I visited and surveyed the area to stake out where in this vast sunshiny land I would make my home I was mystified by the sun and it's tingle on my skin while a cool ocean breeze blew across. It was like a meteorological oxymoron. This time it was gray, and stinging and painful. I don't remember any colors for 5 weeks. Because I placed my trust in something other than me my accommodations were horrible. I was living in a tiny transient hotel in filth and squalor. My skin itched at the thought of taking a shower in such a filthy bathroom. I wasn't able to sit on a toilet for 35 days. I had to mop the floors 5 times before I was comfortable enough to take my clothes off in the room and let them land on the floor. I prayed before I touched the comforters and sheets.

The refrigerator kept the food lukewarm, there was a gas leak in the stove and I was most times afraid to go to sleep for fear my children and I wouldn't wake up. I walked 12 hours a day most days trying to fix other peoples mistakes in my life. Then I realized it was all my mistake anyway. I knew better than to follow any love. But this notable Friday I was $100 short of my necessity. Then I caught a ray of sunshine I imagine that the sun was shining the whole time but I couldn't see it. There on the corner of M Street and Avalon was a little store that was selling a tent for 14.99. There were no shelters that had room the mortgage crisis had taken a sudden toll on my western paradise. The hotel was so nasty and hot this tent was like striking water in the desert. I breathed a sigh of relief. It would be hard but, we had to do it and I had no place to come up with $100 in 24hrs. It would be a hard sell because my children were completely mortified with the current accommodations. But they trusted that I would do something, I was hoping that somehow they would come to forgive a couple of weeks in a tent.

I walked the three blocks home to find that while my cell phone batter was dead and lost it's charge my biological sister had been trying to call she figured I needed some money because I had taken a lot of financial hits as of late. She paid for us to stay somewhere safe and clean. When the children went to school I just sat in the room and cried. While my journeys have moved me into some harsh realities Friday proves to be the day that forces move for me. It remains a day of action for me and a turn in circumstances. I was saved from this pit on Friday. There have been Fun Fridays. I even went to jail on Friday. But they all seem to mold me in the direction that I need to take. After I got over this particular snare in my life my Babalawo did a reading for me. He said that I would be a person who does much for others and not to expect anyone to do things for me. That I should see myself as a man (no not a dyke) and that I will be responsible for myself and should look out for my own future.

I'm not going to lie that shit hurt but sometimes you have to take it like a man right? So I never accept gifts anymore. I never believe promises. I learned that people will have your money in they pocket and thumb their noses at you about why you ain't got shit. I learned and it hurt but, I learned. Because I don't expect anything from anyone I am so much happier. No one can ever let me down again. I will never end up in a sleazy spot because I believed in anything other than my own power. Fridays are educational too.

http://www.colorofchange.org/oscar/?id=2020-493886

Dear friend,

On New Year's Eve, Oscar Grant was shot execution-style by a transit police officer in Oakland, California. He was shot in the back while face-down on a subway platform--unarmed and posing no threat.

Twelve days later--despite several videos showing exactly what happened--the officer who killed Grant hasn't been arrested, charged, or even questioned. He quit the force and has refused to speak. The District Attorney has done nothing.

It's time to demand that California Attorney General Jerry Brown take over the case and arrest Grant's killer, and to ask that the US Department of Justice launch an independent investigation into the conduct of local authorities. Please join me:

http://www.colorofchange.org/oscar/?id=2020-493886

Oscar Grant is the third man murdered by BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) police in the past 17 years. All three victims were Black and none posed a serious threat. In each case, BART and county authorities have failed to hold the officers accountable.

In the previous cases, BART's internal investigations concluded that the officers felt threatened by the victims and were justified in pulling the trigger. It's unbelievable given the circumstances of the killings:

- In 1992, 19-year-old Jerrold Hall was shot in the back by a BART officer as he tried to leave the parking lot of a station. The officer was responding to reports of an armed robbery and said he suspected that Hall and a friend were involved. The officer tried to detain the two, Hall ran and then the officer shot him in the back and killed him. Hall was unarmed, but the officer said he thought Hall was on his way to get a gun and return for a showdown.

- In 2001, a mentally ill man named Bruce Seward was the next victim of the rogue force. Seward, 42, was naked and had been sleeping on a bench outside the BART station when an officer approached him. Seward did grab the officer's nightstick at one point, but there were several options for subduing him. Instead, the officer shot and killed him.

In addition to BART's internal investigation, Alameda County's District Attorney is also investigating Oscar Grant's murder--but the office's record on investigating police killings is horrible too. In both cases just described, the District Attorney bought BART's argument that the officers felt threatened. As a result, the cops were cleared of any wrongdoing.

In the case of Grant's murder, the DA has already let 12 days pass while doing essentially nothing--the officer who killed Grant is able to travel and leave the state, and he's free to talk with other officers and attempt to construct a story to justify his killing of Oscar Grant.

The problem with Alameda County's DA goes beyond BART police murders. In the past two years alone, there have been 11 fatal police shootings in Oakland (not including that of Oscar Grant). When asked, the officials at the District Attorney's office could not remember a single case in the last 20 years where an on-duty cop had been charged in a fatal shooting in Alameda County. It gives the clear appearance that the District Attorney's office just doesn't have the will to prosecute police crimes.

California's Attorney General needs to step in now and arrest Oscar Grant's murderer. And the US Department of Justice should investigate the failure of the authorities in Alameda County to act. It's the first step towards justice. After that, we will push for systemic changes to create public accountability for BART and other police departments. Creating those structural changes will be a much longer fight, but Oscar Grant's tragic death is a wake-up call that should give us a real chance to help prevent this from happening again.

Please join me in demanding justice, and then ask your family and friends to do the same:

http://www.colorofchange.org/oscar/?id=2020-493886

Thanks.

Proceed With Caution…

    I thought it fitting to begin the New Year with some clarification. When I initially started this blog it was more my intent to talk about some of the misconceptions we have with people who lead alternative lifestyles. My time partying with my girls in Atlanta was the most fun and enlightening experience in my life. Of course the birth of children and marriages… in my case a divorce rank way up there in life's highlights… But the celebration of my birth into a new reality is just as important to me as the day I hooked up with someone else. In fact I believe that when women can celebrate who they are regardless of what man may be in their lives the make much better partners. It was my experience in Atlanta exploring the "drug" culture that I had my epiphany… Some find theirs in church; some find theirs in marriage, children and a whole variety of things. Only those who reach enlightenment in themselves will have lasting enlightenment. I'm not going to talk about church or the followers of Jesus on my Fun Fridays because well quite frankly they can be very scary. They don't lean much toward fun and enjoyment and after growing up with the church and Christianity forced upon me I must leave that series to another day. Now lets get some facts before we begin to judge.

    It is very hard to begin explaining looking at the world from a different lens especially when looking at a portion of the drug culture. For those who are Christians I admonish you to look to your Bible there is at least one scripture that states, "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

    Let's carry on… Cocaine is a derivative of the coca leaf. The ancient Mayan cultures of the Andes mountains used it as a part of their lives and religious practices for eons. When they were invaded by the Spanish and enslaved the Spaniards noticed that the natives wanted little else than coca leaf during their captivity. As a result of being oppressed, they began to rely more heavily on the coca-leaf. There is no record that the invaders came upon a society which was in all out warfare or engaging in countless acts of immorality due to their use of the coca-leaf. If I sound like I am being repetitive or simple it is because we have so long been brainwashed to think anything unlike Western culture is somehow a lesser culture. In fact in order to hold a certain standard or way of life all of our reading material and media presentations paint one way of being and living as good and anything unlike it is bad. That's why we have God and an opposite power… the Devil so that anyone not abiding by western standards have a way to be singled out and divided… Classic Willie Lynch, classic Carl Rove divide and conquer.

    In the 1800's African slaves were given coca leaf to increase productivity. Yes, using the coca plant to increase the profit margin was perfectly ok. There were no reports of increased immoral or criminal behavior. In fact, the first the first time the deadly dangers of any drugs were in the late 1800's in San Francisco. However: no one was jumping up and down yelling that smoking opium was dangerous. The main argument of banning opium smoking in the opium dens of San Francisco was that white women may find themselves being taken advantage of by the then dreaded "Chinese" men. Locking up people for buying and selling drugs has never been for the health safety and welfare of Americans. It has been to control the market on drug sales and provide a way to continue keeping people of color from mixing with whites. Think back to Harper Lee's, "To Kill a Mockingbird." Lee describes the aging aunt in the story as a dear old ailing aunt. Not the morphine addict, not as an embarrassment to the family. The dear old aunt was never described as the morally barren fiend that followed in the descriptions of addicts during the era post emancipation proclamation. The attitudes about drug use changed with the enactment of the Harrison Drug act of 1914 which dealt with the use of cocaine. Further, the Harrison Drug Act of 1914 did not make cocaine illegal but, regulated it's use to those who could afford healthcare. It had to be prescribed by a physician. Of course the method of treating drug addiction during this era was to place the addict in a sanitarium and give them decreasing dosages of the drug until they were eventually able to cope without it.

    Such was not the case with blacks. The same cocaine that was given to slaves to improve productivity was to be kept from the hands of the Negro because… Well lets guess… Because cocaine was dangerous? Because it may have harmful effects? No because the Negro fiend was harder to kill! The Harrison Act was passed in part of propaganda blaming blacks protests about horrible post slavery conditions as some sort of craze caused by drug abuse. Now why would there be a need to kill a black addict and not a white addict? According to Michael Cohen who wrote, "Jim Crow's War on Drugs," the drug abuse of white women soared out of control during this period. They were not deemed menaces and vessels of barren immorality. Check out http://www.drugpolicy.org to check the facts. The war on drugs started as a way to bring the North and South back together post Civil War against a common threat the negro addict whose morality and gainful employment was not being affected by occasional drug use but by racism and prejudice to shut them out. This common theme has been used effectively throughout U.S. history to divide and detain people of color.

Sadly the result has been African-Americans living and suffering these racist policies in silence while 1 in 9 black men has been imprisoned. I grew up in church, I know the grievous looks of a sister whose son has been locked up once again. I have seen the pain of failure in her face and heard it in her voice. Western culture has done such a number on us that people blame themselves because their children got caught in a trap laid for them rather than looking at the trapper to stop trapping my baby! This system has created criminals… Why can Bernard Madoff cheat people out of BILLIONS, but my brothers and sisters get swept up in raids never to be seen again for holding a couple of keys of cocaine. Look Fun Fridays are supposed to be fun. However, it would be an extreme disservice if I recall these events without bringing to people's attention the plight of brothers and sisters who are deemed in need of salvation rather than advocacy. Oh how many times have I heard prison ministries bringing "Jesus" to inmates. But I dare to say many of them were saved and did believe in Jesus and are no more in need of salvation then the diabetic who over medicates with food to the point of having to have limbs amputated. Many of these brothers know exactly who Jesus is… exactly who Allah is well before the iron gates close. They have merely been caught up in a deadly game played by narrow thinkers who use fear and divisiveness to save themselves.

http://i376.photobucket.com/albums/oo206/Abenadiva/Coleman-DancingtoJazz-1.jpg

    Fun Friday's were not always fun I would be remiss if I did not admit to this. People got hurt people lost property and dignity. These losses were not indicative of immorality or a need to find something or someone outside of them. The casualties occurred because people needed to find them. Because, America, Americans, Christians, Muslims and whoever has stake in this planet to denounce oppression and oppressive systems. The ugly things that happened on Fun Fridays happened because, oppressed people found solace in oppressive behaviors. The immorality that occurred, happened because there was not enough money, employers beat them down, a whole gamut of things outside of themselves. Of course the American way is to pull yourself up by your own boot straps. You can't blame others for your failures even if you see them crouched with fingers wrapped around the edges of carpet on which you stand. We see where that line of thinking has gotten us. Oppression has been the culprit more so than addiction. Of course one may argue that healing comes from within. I challenge you if you stub your toe in the night, the next morning you remove the offending object if it can be moved.. Don't you? Can't oppression be moved?

Follow the Fun Fridays series @ http://abenadiva.blogspot.com Make sure to subscribe… This posting in its entirety belongs to Abenadiva and may not be republished without express permission from the Women's Institute of Economic Empowerment LLC.

Happy New Year!

Wow... It may get her more dates but I doubt if it will land her a husband.  Personally as the economy dwindles worldwide I have noticed a dramatic increase in foreigners wanting to establish long distance love affairs with American women. I am not even soliciting a relationship with anyone!  I constantly have men from Nigeria, UK, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic and Haiti Jumping out of my inbox with broken English wanting to get to know me...  This is phenomena has had a marked increase in the past two years.  The great thing about it is that these solicitations have not blind sighted me because, I have met so many different people in my life I have had the misfortune/ opportunity to meet a lot of foreign men.  Some wanted to see me romantically but, I met a few who wanted to become and remained friends.  They talked to me about how the main goal of man men from other countries is to land American wives so that they could escape conditions of Africa.   I've even met men who offered to pay for marriage. They have no particular allegiance to finding a black woman or even a woman  who shares their beliefs and goals only an American woman... You can best be sure that she will probably open herself up to many people who are simply trying to find some stability in this time of turmoil.

It appears to be a move of desperation.  I feel her pain I definitely hope it works for her but it is highly unlikely. Women don't want to hear it but perhaps dating a regular guy with not so good an income will satisfy their needs as well.  Date a temp worker, or a trash man and stop looking for someone based on monetary value and level of skill if you are truly lonely.  But, if you have standards that will not allow you to date "beneath" you then you should probably wait.  She has opened herself up and is a virtual sitting duck with this.  What do you think?

For those waiting on the next installment FUN FRIDAY... We're taking a holiday pause and will return in full effect Friday January 9th.  I have some facts and figures to throw at you and I want to take my time with it.  

New Jersey woman using Web to find Mr. Right by New Year's Eve 2010

BY CARRIE MELAGO 
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Wednesday, December 31st 2008, 10:32 PM

 

   Neenah Pickett of Somerset, N.J., has started a Web site,52weeks2findhim.com (below), which she hopes will help her snag Mr. Right before she rings in 2010.

   She's looking for a husband - and she's giving herself just 365 days to find him.
 
   A New Jersey woman is launching an interactive Web site Thursday with the ambitious goal of tracking down her soulmate by 2010. 
 
   Neenah Pickett, a 42-year-old media consultant from Somerset, N.J., dreamed up 52Weeks2FindHim.com while working with a company on a social networking and multimedia site two years ago. 
 
   "In 52 weeks, I hope to find him. I don't plan to walk down the aisle, but I want to meet him," she said. "Come New Year's Eve next year, I hope we'll be together." 
 
   Pickett, a bubbly Michigan native who moved to New York in her 20s, is certainly no wallflower. She was once engaged - to a man who wouldn't quite commit - and has been on more than 100 dates with men she has met online. 
 
   But as time passed, Pickett began to suspect that finding Mr. Right was going to take a more targeted effort. 
 
  "You can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results," she said of at
attempts to find love online, through friends or on blind dates. "I was just sitting there, thinking things would happen." 
 
   With her friends' and family's blessing, Pickett created the extensive Web site. It features a daily blog, videos of Pickett describing herself, testimonials from her closest friends - and, of course, a way for men to submit themselves for consideration. 
 
   Pickett expects other single ladies to use the site's discussion board, polls and articles as a resource. 
 
   Pickett - who is 5-feet-2, thinks her best quality is her lips and enjoys hiking and movies - isn't limiting herself to a certain type of man, though she'd prefer someone who shares her Christian beliefs and has a good sense of humor. 
 
   Though she comes off as practical and straightforward in conversation, Pickett's site suggests she's a romantic at heart. 
 
   For example, she admits on her blog that Barack Obamakissing his wife on Election Night "gave me goose bumps and brought tears to my eyes." 
 
   Pickett hopes to get a flood of inquiries and will even consider relocating for true love. "I'm more open to exploring different avenues," she said. "At this point, you never know how it might turn out." 
 
 
 
                                   *********************      
 
         Here's the link to Pickett's web site
 
         http://www.52weeks2findhim.com/index.html