WHO THE FUCK ARE
YOU PLAYING WITH?
More than likely the loved one who suffers from addiction
doesn’t wake up shivering, shaking and eyeing your TV’s to sell. You’ve have
conversations about their behaviors. You’ve warned them to stop. They’ve made
promises perhaps. The first day the addict vanishes you can’t believe after all
that talking they made the choices they did. Maybe they don’t vanish but they
take your last pocket change or clean out a bank account. I equate this action
to vanishing and abandonment because the person has decided to nullify the
family/social contract. Even if you bring your ass back in here in 30 min you
might as well be gone. The bond is broken.
DAY TWO = SHOCK
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU
DID THIS!
During this time, you may feel out of sorts. Neither angry
or sad just puzzled what the hell is in that shit to make you go AWOL, bat shit
crazy, whatever term you choose.
DAY THREE – RUEFUL
HOW CAN I FIX THIS
SOMETHING IS WRONG!
DAY FOUR – ACTION TO
FIX
HOW CAN I FIX
THIS???
In my case I thought maybe I had been too harsh and rushed
to judge a loved one. I delivered notes of encouragement to each place I
thought the person may be. Even little things like drink water up to I love
you, I miss you. I’ve lived in neighborhoods where fellow baseball players came
to the projects in fancy cars searching for Darryl Strawberry. I’ve sat outside
late night and witnessed family members confront drug dealers, angry because
they felt that was the problem.
DAY FIVE = DEATH BY
TEARS
I CAN NOT FIX THIS
NO MATTER WHAT!!!
There comes a point in any addictive relationship that the
codependent family members come to the epiphany, they can’t shoot all the
dealers, they can’t find all the dope houses, they can’t discredit every doctor
who writes a prescription out of greed. There comes a time when you chillingly
understand this is the other person’s job to fix. For some reason my inability to fix it made
me cry all day long. Crocodile tears that made my soul jerk and my ribs hurt
the next day.
DAY 6 – NUMB
SINCE I DIED
YESTERDAY NO NEED TO BATHE OR EAT
My loving best friend chastised me to eat something. I told
her I stank and didn’t want to bathe; therefore, I can’t eat and it was cold. Since
I currently live on campus while pursuing my Master’s in Rehabilitation
Counseling, I couldn’t go eat without bathing. It was not an option. I
literally dragged myself from my tomb which doubles as a bed during better
times. My mom told me just get over it. It’s for the best. You know it is for
the best. That does not mean you are dancing for joy. Immunizations are claimed
to be for the best. Babies still cry when they get shots. If you have a friend
who is left behind encourage them to force themselves to participate in normal
activities.
DAY 7 = RESOLUTION
IT IS WHAT IT IS
I have a good friend who uses this term frequently. When he
says it, the message seems kind of aloof. But, really that’s all that can be
said. This person for whatever reason be it chemical imbalance, trauma or poor
choices in friends is unavailable due to drug addiction. They can only make
themselves available by doing the work required for themselves. Resolution does
not mean giving up it! Prayers, kind words can all lead a person to take
inventory of where their life Is taking them and if they are committed to the
lifestyle. Resolution means you know that it is not your fault. You couldn’t
have said less or more. If you hadn’t burned the turkey, or if you had been
less vocal about the behaviors. None of these things matter. It is up to each
person to chart their own destiny.
