Isn’t it better to give than to receive?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/11/detained-american-mission_n_458475.html
Think of your mother and father and the tireless effort they put forth in rearing you and molding you into the beautiful creature you’ve become. Many of you may have grandparents aunts and uncles who stood in the gap when there was no parent willing or able to provide what you needed. NOW during the roughest times in your life did you stop and think geez I wish some rich white family would come and rescue me from poverty and adopt me.
If you are like me the thought has never crossed your mind. I wished my mama would win the lottery that she and my daddy would get back together… that my sister would sign a million dollar book deal and we could all move to a place in close proximity and my cousins and I could all be rich and do rich folk things like whatever they do that I’m not privy to. What I’m getting at is that I had hopes and dreams of a “better life” before I knew the truth, but none of those dreams included waking up with a white mom and dad.
As a young girl I remember adoptive parents who weren’t so good to their kids. A neighbor of ours adopted a little girl for a farm hand. I mean that’s how it appeared… the girl had many farm chores in a community where not a lot of farming took place. The way the mother beat and worked the girl it appeared that’s all she was for.
We have to examine this country’s ailing child protective foster care system before we run around abroad flashing cash and promising “a better life”. Money doesn’t always equal better living. Often foster parents in the US hoard children in order to get the financial benefits therein. Have we stopped to question whether or not the tear washed faces of these “concerned” people are genuine? Who says the adoption agencies are genuine? Is it safe or responsible to give children to people outside of their cultural background especially since race is such a polarizing topic in the US? How can white people who can’t even be comfortable with the election and administration of a black president be expected to care for and nurture little brown potential leaders?
I understand everyone wanting to see the children having the best life possible. The problem is that we have equated money/assets with providing a stable home. If a person truly has a child's best interest at heart why not give to the families? Well you have no control it's all about control.
Personally, I believe that I can give my children the best possible guidance about life and what it takes to be a good person even living in the rubble or underneath a bridge. We have a personal family history that they will be far more disadvantaged without being exposed to it. I would just die if someone wanted to take my kids if California had a huge EQ and I had no job or home.
Children in Haiti don’t need a mass and fleeting exodus from Haiti without their families. They need for their families to be empowered to take care of the blessing that God has given them by fighting against world policies that undermine Haitians’ authority to take care of themselves. Do these people really just want to help or do they stand to benefit?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Isn't it better to give?
I am a black woman trying to make sense of of world that devalues, debases, degrades and does not forgive women. I am valuable, wonderfully made, and I forgive myself. These are contradictory and sometimes, so am I.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I WISH... When Metaphors are no good.
Sometimes I wish I could be alone with my African self.
I wish I could go practice my African traditions without interference or observation of others.
I wish I had the benefit of my ancestors labor.
I wish I had the benefit of ALL of my African intellectual property.
I don’t recall any notation of it being signed away but alas conventional wisdom always refers to someone outside of me.
I wish my rule book wasn't one crafted by others.
I wish that Africans could decide who was worthy of leadership and make those assumptions based on what they provide to the community and not who they sleep with, or what they believe.
I wish I had the capacity to believe and maintain that there is no devil. That Jesus was important but, not necessarily a virgin born of a virgin. That Muhammad, Elijah or otherwise was not the last messenger but a part of a continuous message of living better and treating people right. Perhaps Jesus was just Mary and Joseph’s remarkable baby. Just like I am the remarkable child of two good people. I wish that my African self could be alone to contemplate who the Jews really are without reference to anyone other than African self. I wish I didn’t have to share my story with those who have none.
I wish my African femaleness could be appreciated by my African maleness without being looked over because of my inability to recreate the idea of womanhood of others.
I wish that while being an African all by myself I could decide that male and female do not necessarily have specific gender roles as defined by someone else. That it is perfectly okay for me to operate in the best interest of the family even if I'm the only one able and capable to maintain one or a part of a unit given the task. That I am not lacking as other women may be to meet the demands of parenting and providing as the universe requires. The last word should not be designated by order of anatomical differences. Being male does not necessarily mean having rule over a female in my African world.
My African ideal state of relationship includes the fact that I can pick up a shot gun and point it in the defense of just as well as my brother. And we may need to stand back to back pointing them in opposite directions. The idea of me running, hiding and fainting in the face of trouble is neither welcome or expected. It also should not preclude me from companionship.
I’m tired of being everybody’s mammy… When it’s broke I fix it, even when I’m not the one who broke it.
I wish I didn’t have to fight my African self about what I believe nor have the need to justify or be called upon to teach someone else the validity of my creation.
I wish other folks wouldn’t show up in my sorority, nor worship my ancestors, nor be found rocking to the beat and sweet strains of gospel music. I wish they wouldn’t rap either. I wish my cornrows never adorned any head that wasn’t specifically and divinely created African Nappy.
I wish I could be alone with my African thoughts
Then maybe I could get my African self together and save the world.
I wish I could go practice my African traditions without interference or observation of others.
I wish I had the benefit of my ancestors labor.
I wish I had the benefit of ALL of my African intellectual property.
I don’t recall any notation of it being signed away but alas conventional wisdom always refers to someone outside of me.
I wish my rule book wasn't one crafted by others.
I wish that Africans could decide who was worthy of leadership and make those assumptions based on what they provide to the community and not who they sleep with, or what they believe.
I wish I had the capacity to believe and maintain that there is no devil. That Jesus was important but, not necessarily a virgin born of a virgin. That Muhammad, Elijah or otherwise was not the last messenger but a part of a continuous message of living better and treating people right. Perhaps Jesus was just Mary and Joseph’s remarkable baby. Just like I am the remarkable child of two good people. I wish that my African self could be alone to contemplate who the Jews really are without reference to anyone other than African self. I wish I didn’t have to share my story with those who have none.
I wish my African femaleness could be appreciated by my African maleness without being looked over because of my inability to recreate the idea of womanhood of others.
I wish that while being an African all by myself I could decide that male and female do not necessarily have specific gender roles as defined by someone else. That it is perfectly okay for me to operate in the best interest of the family even if I'm the only one able and capable to maintain one or a part of a unit given the task. That I am not lacking as other women may be to meet the demands of parenting and providing as the universe requires. The last word should not be designated by order of anatomical differences. Being male does not necessarily mean having rule over a female in my African world.
My African ideal state of relationship includes the fact that I can pick up a shot gun and point it in the defense of just as well as my brother. And we may need to stand back to back pointing them in opposite directions. The idea of me running, hiding and fainting in the face of trouble is neither welcome or expected. It also should not preclude me from companionship.
I’m tired of being everybody’s mammy… When it’s broke I fix it, even when I’m not the one who broke it.
I wish I didn’t have to fight my African self about what I believe nor have the need to justify or be called upon to teach someone else the validity of my creation.
I wish other folks wouldn’t show up in my sorority, nor worship my ancestors, nor be found rocking to the beat and sweet strains of gospel music. I wish they wouldn’t rap either. I wish my cornrows never adorned any head that wasn’t specifically and divinely created African Nappy.
I wish I could be alone with my African thoughts
Then maybe I could get my African self together and save the world.
I am a black woman trying to make sense of of world that devalues, debases, degrades and does not forgive women. I am valuable, wonderfully made, and I forgive myself. These are contradictory and sometimes, so am I.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
A Glimpse of Mental Illness in a Time of Crisis
The idea of mental disorders may be born of Western science but people have always tried to define why some people behave in accordance with or against traditional norms. While mental disorders may have both physiological and environmental causes the terminology is only applied to the group of people who appear to experience maladaptive behavior. Most often maladaptive behavior and disability in the West is defined as the ability to be “productive” or make money.
When discussing mental disorder I’m reminded that everything we believe as maladaptive is not viewed the same way over the entire world. Over the past year in India children with severe birth defects are considered to be deities reincarnated from their ancient past. In the West they are considered severely disabled and doctors try and fix them, sometimes to the dismay of their parents who feel like they have been sent to bring blessings on the village. We think that is somehow backwards thinking. Other countries have people who claim to frequently speak with spirits or the spirit world. Those people are considered mentally unstable if those conversations make others feel uncomfortable and they can’t make a living. Often what is normative is defined by dollars and that doesn’t quite make sense for all cultures.
The disturbing thing about mental disorders is that the person experiencing the problem is often considered the disordered one. If a woman is harassed sexually at work then she can’t take a joke and receives a label based on that for example. Or if someone of color feels oppressed when the odds are constantly stacked against them then they are considered paranoid or have some other personality defect or disorder. These ideas sometimes remind me of Dr. Richard Cartwright who felt like African slaves suffered from drapetomania which was a disorder that caused Africans to “run away” from their tortured living conditions. Some of our proclamations of disorder are misplaced whether it is physical, mental or natural disaster. In essence we blame the victim similarly to Pat Robertson’s indictment of Haiti as deserving of catastrophe because of an historical pact with evil. It is interesting that despite the majority of the world coalescing around people in need the few people who make similar statements will never be diagnosed with a mental disorder. They won’t go undiagnosed because they are mentally stable but, because their maladaptive behavior is not preventing them from making money.
When discussing mental disorder I’m reminded that everything we believe as maladaptive is not viewed the same way over the entire world. Over the past year in India children with severe birth defects are considered to be deities reincarnated from their ancient past. In the West they are considered severely disabled and doctors try and fix them, sometimes to the dismay of their parents who feel like they have been sent to bring blessings on the village. We think that is somehow backwards thinking. Other countries have people who claim to frequently speak with spirits or the spirit world. Those people are considered mentally unstable if those conversations make others feel uncomfortable and they can’t make a living. Often what is normative is defined by dollars and that doesn’t quite make sense for all cultures.
The disturbing thing about mental disorders is that the person experiencing the problem is often considered the disordered one. If a woman is harassed sexually at work then she can’t take a joke and receives a label based on that for example. Or if someone of color feels oppressed when the odds are constantly stacked against them then they are considered paranoid or have some other personality defect or disorder. These ideas sometimes remind me of Dr. Richard Cartwright who felt like African slaves suffered from drapetomania which was a disorder that caused Africans to “run away” from their tortured living conditions. Some of our proclamations of disorder are misplaced whether it is physical, mental or natural disaster. In essence we blame the victim similarly to Pat Robertson’s indictment of Haiti as deserving of catastrophe because of an historical pact with evil. It is interesting that despite the majority of the world coalescing around people in need the few people who make similar statements will never be diagnosed with a mental disorder. They won’t go undiagnosed because they are mentally stable but, because their maladaptive behavior is not preventing them from making money.
I am a black woman trying to make sense of of world that devalues, debases, degrades and does not forgive women. I am valuable, wonderfully made, and I forgive myself. These are contradictory and sometimes, so am I.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)