Fun on Fridays do end…

Of course there are some Fridays that will not make the cut in the Fun category. So this will show you how the end of these Fridays turned educational so that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Next week we'll get back to the juicy details. There is a good and bad side to everything. The parties did end. Just weeks ago J and I were talking. We've kept in touch all these years many of them tumultuous and we've hurt each other's feelings a time or two yet we hold that sisterly bond. But during our separation we've both lived thru some challenges and had to atone for some of the times we partied first and asked questions later. My sister J made some sacrifices in her life to look out for me that have elevated me to a new level. Yet even while I'm excelling toward a goal that I hope will end up providing us both a platform I fuck up.

J knew I was leaving the south. The reasons are too many to list at this point however; and because of a gift that she gave me years ago I was able to realize a move cross country. The sun was beaming down this particular Friday. It was my 5^th Friday in the golden state. I regretted the move even before it started. All of my motivations were the same but there was a missing ingredient. But it is not cool to speak ill of the dead… Maybe he's not dead for real but, he's dead to me. But, as the transition took place I couldn't find J. My other "girlfriends" are landlocked and would never find themselves in similar positions. They couldn't possibly offer me any words of advice. The certainly weren't going to be offering words of encouragement they wanted me to come "home".

All these weeks until this 5^th Friday I remained in silence. I only spoke to my mother. The other times I visited and surveyed the area to stake out where in this vast sunshiny land I would make my home I was mystified by the sun and it's tingle on my skin while a cool ocean breeze blew across. It was like a meteorological oxymoron. This time it was gray, and stinging and painful. I don't remember any colors for 5 weeks. Because I placed my trust in something other than me my accommodations were horrible. I was living in a tiny transient hotel in filth and squalor. My skin itched at the thought of taking a shower in such a filthy bathroom. I wasn't able to sit on a toilet for 35 days. I had to mop the floors 5 times before I was comfortable enough to take my clothes off in the room and let them land on the floor. I prayed before I touched the comforters and sheets.

The refrigerator kept the food lukewarm, there was a gas leak in the stove and I was most times afraid to go to sleep for fear my children and I wouldn't wake up. I walked 12 hours a day most days trying to fix other peoples mistakes in my life. Then I realized it was all my mistake anyway. I knew better than to follow any love. But this notable Friday I was $100 short of my necessity. Then I caught a ray of sunshine I imagine that the sun was shining the whole time but I couldn't see it. There on the corner of M Street and Avalon was a little store that was selling a tent for 14.99. There were no shelters that had room the mortgage crisis had taken a sudden toll on my western paradise. The hotel was so nasty and hot this tent was like striking water in the desert. I breathed a sigh of relief. It would be hard but, we had to do it and I had no place to come up with $100 in 24hrs. It would be a hard sell because my children were completely mortified with the current accommodations. But they trusted that I would do something, I was hoping that somehow they would come to forgive a couple of weeks in a tent.

I walked the three blocks home to find that while my cell phone batter was dead and lost it's charge my biological sister had been trying to call she figured I needed some money because I had taken a lot of financial hits as of late. She paid for us to stay somewhere safe and clean. When the children went to school I just sat in the room and cried. While my journeys have moved me into some harsh realities Friday proves to be the day that forces move for me. It remains a day of action for me and a turn in circumstances. I was saved from this pit on Friday. There have been Fun Fridays. I even went to jail on Friday. But they all seem to mold me in the direction that I need to take. After I got over this particular snare in my life my Babalawo did a reading for me. He said that I would be a person who does much for others and not to expect anyone to do things for me. That I should see myself as a man (no not a dyke) and that I will be responsible for myself and should look out for my own future.

I'm not going to lie that shit hurt but sometimes you have to take it like a man right? So I never accept gifts anymore. I never believe promises. I learned that people will have your money in they pocket and thumb their noses at you about why you ain't got shit. I learned and it hurt but, I learned. Because I don't expect anything from anyone I am so much happier. No one can ever let me down again. I will never end up in a sleazy spot because I believed in anything other than my own power. Fridays are educational too.

http://www.colorofchange.org/oscar/?id=2020-493886

Dear friend,

On New Year's Eve, Oscar Grant was shot execution-style by a transit police officer in Oakland, California. He was shot in the back while face-down on a subway platform--unarmed and posing no threat.

Twelve days later--despite several videos showing exactly what happened--the officer who killed Grant hasn't been arrested, charged, or even questioned. He quit the force and has refused to speak. The District Attorney has done nothing.

It's time to demand that California Attorney General Jerry Brown take over the case and arrest Grant's killer, and to ask that the US Department of Justice launch an independent investigation into the conduct of local authorities. Please join me:

http://www.colorofchange.org/oscar/?id=2020-493886

Oscar Grant is the third man murdered by BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) police in the past 17 years. All three victims were Black and none posed a serious threat. In each case, BART and county authorities have failed to hold the officers accountable.

In the previous cases, BART's internal investigations concluded that the officers felt threatened by the victims and were justified in pulling the trigger. It's unbelievable given the circumstances of the killings:

- In 1992, 19-year-old Jerrold Hall was shot in the back by a BART officer as he tried to leave the parking lot of a station. The officer was responding to reports of an armed robbery and said he suspected that Hall and a friend were involved. The officer tried to detain the two, Hall ran and then the officer shot him in the back and killed him. Hall was unarmed, but the officer said he thought Hall was on his way to get a gun and return for a showdown.

- In 2001, a mentally ill man named Bruce Seward was the next victim of the rogue force. Seward, 42, was naked and had been sleeping on a bench outside the BART station when an officer approached him. Seward did grab the officer's nightstick at one point, but there were several options for subduing him. Instead, the officer shot and killed him.

In addition to BART's internal investigation, Alameda County's District Attorney is also investigating Oscar Grant's murder--but the office's record on investigating police killings is horrible too. In both cases just described, the District Attorney bought BART's argument that the officers felt threatened. As a result, the cops were cleared of any wrongdoing.

In the case of Grant's murder, the DA has already let 12 days pass while doing essentially nothing--the officer who killed Grant is able to travel and leave the state, and he's free to talk with other officers and attempt to construct a story to justify his killing of Oscar Grant.

The problem with Alameda County's DA goes beyond BART police murders. In the past two years alone, there have been 11 fatal police shootings in Oakland (not including that of Oscar Grant). When asked, the officials at the District Attorney's office could not remember a single case in the last 20 years where an on-duty cop had been charged in a fatal shooting in Alameda County. It gives the clear appearance that the District Attorney's office just doesn't have the will to prosecute police crimes.

California's Attorney General needs to step in now and arrest Oscar Grant's murderer. And the US Department of Justice should investigate the failure of the authorities in Alameda County to act. It's the first step towards justice. After that, we will push for systemic changes to create public accountability for BART and other police departments. Creating those structural changes will be a much longer fight, but Oscar Grant's tragic death is a wake-up call that should give us a real chance to help prevent this from happening again.

Please join me in demanding justice, and then ask your family and friends to do the same:

http://www.colorofchange.org/oscar/?id=2020-493886

Thanks.

Proceed With Caution…

    I thought it fitting to begin the New Year with some clarification. When I initially started this blog it was more my intent to talk about some of the misconceptions we have with people who lead alternative lifestyles. My time partying with my girls in Atlanta was the most fun and enlightening experience in my life. Of course the birth of children and marriages… in my case a divorce rank way up there in life's highlights… But the celebration of my birth into a new reality is just as important to me as the day I hooked up with someone else. In fact I believe that when women can celebrate who they are regardless of what man may be in their lives the make much better partners. It was my experience in Atlanta exploring the "drug" culture that I had my epiphany… Some find theirs in church; some find theirs in marriage, children and a whole variety of things. Only those who reach enlightenment in themselves will have lasting enlightenment. I'm not going to talk about church or the followers of Jesus on my Fun Fridays because well quite frankly they can be very scary. They don't lean much toward fun and enjoyment and after growing up with the church and Christianity forced upon me I must leave that series to another day. Now lets get some facts before we begin to judge.

    It is very hard to begin explaining looking at the world from a different lens especially when looking at a portion of the drug culture. For those who are Christians I admonish you to look to your Bible there is at least one scripture that states, "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

    Let's carry on… Cocaine is a derivative of the coca leaf. The ancient Mayan cultures of the Andes mountains used it as a part of their lives and religious practices for eons. When they were invaded by the Spanish and enslaved the Spaniards noticed that the natives wanted little else than coca leaf during their captivity. As a result of being oppressed, they began to rely more heavily on the coca-leaf. There is no record that the invaders came upon a society which was in all out warfare or engaging in countless acts of immorality due to their use of the coca-leaf. If I sound like I am being repetitive or simple it is because we have so long been brainwashed to think anything unlike Western culture is somehow a lesser culture. In fact in order to hold a certain standard or way of life all of our reading material and media presentations paint one way of being and living as good and anything unlike it is bad. That's why we have God and an opposite power… the Devil so that anyone not abiding by western standards have a way to be singled out and divided… Classic Willie Lynch, classic Carl Rove divide and conquer.

    In the 1800's African slaves were given coca leaf to increase productivity. Yes, using the coca plant to increase the profit margin was perfectly ok. There were no reports of increased immoral or criminal behavior. In fact, the first the first time the deadly dangers of any drugs were in the late 1800's in San Francisco. However: no one was jumping up and down yelling that smoking opium was dangerous. The main argument of banning opium smoking in the opium dens of San Francisco was that white women may find themselves being taken advantage of by the then dreaded "Chinese" men. Locking up people for buying and selling drugs has never been for the health safety and welfare of Americans. It has been to control the market on drug sales and provide a way to continue keeping people of color from mixing with whites. Think back to Harper Lee's, "To Kill a Mockingbird." Lee describes the aging aunt in the story as a dear old ailing aunt. Not the morphine addict, not as an embarrassment to the family. The dear old aunt was never described as the morally barren fiend that followed in the descriptions of addicts during the era post emancipation proclamation. The attitudes about drug use changed with the enactment of the Harrison Drug act of 1914 which dealt with the use of cocaine. Further, the Harrison Drug Act of 1914 did not make cocaine illegal but, regulated it's use to those who could afford healthcare. It had to be prescribed by a physician. Of course the method of treating drug addiction during this era was to place the addict in a sanitarium and give them decreasing dosages of the drug until they were eventually able to cope without it.

    Such was not the case with blacks. The same cocaine that was given to slaves to improve productivity was to be kept from the hands of the Negro because… Well lets guess… Because cocaine was dangerous? Because it may have harmful effects? No because the Negro fiend was harder to kill! The Harrison Act was passed in part of propaganda blaming blacks protests about horrible post slavery conditions as some sort of craze caused by drug abuse. Now why would there be a need to kill a black addict and not a white addict? According to Michael Cohen who wrote, "Jim Crow's War on Drugs," the drug abuse of white women soared out of control during this period. They were not deemed menaces and vessels of barren immorality. Check out http://www.drugpolicy.org to check the facts. The war on drugs started as a way to bring the North and South back together post Civil War against a common threat the negro addict whose morality and gainful employment was not being affected by occasional drug use but by racism and prejudice to shut them out. This common theme has been used effectively throughout U.S. history to divide and detain people of color.

Sadly the result has been African-Americans living and suffering these racist policies in silence while 1 in 9 black men has been imprisoned. I grew up in church, I know the grievous looks of a sister whose son has been locked up once again. I have seen the pain of failure in her face and heard it in her voice. Western culture has done such a number on us that people blame themselves because their children got caught in a trap laid for them rather than looking at the trapper to stop trapping my baby! This system has created criminals… Why can Bernard Madoff cheat people out of BILLIONS, but my brothers and sisters get swept up in raids never to be seen again for holding a couple of keys of cocaine. Look Fun Fridays are supposed to be fun. However, it would be an extreme disservice if I recall these events without bringing to people's attention the plight of brothers and sisters who are deemed in need of salvation rather than advocacy. Oh how many times have I heard prison ministries bringing "Jesus" to inmates. But I dare to say many of them were saved and did believe in Jesus and are no more in need of salvation then the diabetic who over medicates with food to the point of having to have limbs amputated. Many of these brothers know exactly who Jesus is… exactly who Allah is well before the iron gates close. They have merely been caught up in a deadly game played by narrow thinkers who use fear and divisiveness to save themselves.

http://i376.photobucket.com/albums/oo206/Abenadiva/Coleman-DancingtoJazz-1.jpg

    Fun Friday's were not always fun I would be remiss if I did not admit to this. People got hurt people lost property and dignity. These losses were not indicative of immorality or a need to find something or someone outside of them. The casualties occurred because people needed to find them. Because, America, Americans, Christians, Muslims and whoever has stake in this planet to denounce oppression and oppressive systems. The ugly things that happened on Fun Fridays happened because, oppressed people found solace in oppressive behaviors. The immorality that occurred, happened because there was not enough money, employers beat them down, a whole gamut of things outside of themselves. Of course the American way is to pull yourself up by your own boot straps. You can't blame others for your failures even if you see them crouched with fingers wrapped around the edges of carpet on which you stand. We see where that line of thinking has gotten us. Oppression has been the culprit more so than addiction. Of course one may argue that healing comes from within. I challenge you if you stub your toe in the night, the next morning you remove the offending object if it can be moved.. Don't you? Can't oppression be moved?

Follow the Fun Fridays series @ http://abenadiva.blogspot.com Make sure to subscribe… This posting in its entirety belongs to Abenadiva and may not be republished without express permission from the Women's Institute of Economic Empowerment LLC.

Happy New Year!

Wow... It may get her more dates but I doubt if it will land her a husband.  Personally as the economy dwindles worldwide I have noticed a dramatic increase in foreigners wanting to establish long distance love affairs with American women. I am not even soliciting a relationship with anyone!  I constantly have men from Nigeria, UK, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic and Haiti Jumping out of my inbox with broken English wanting to get to know me...  This is phenomena has had a marked increase in the past two years.  The great thing about it is that these solicitations have not blind sighted me because, I have met so many different people in my life I have had the misfortune/ opportunity to meet a lot of foreign men.  Some wanted to see me romantically but, I met a few who wanted to become and remained friends.  They talked to me about how the main goal of man men from other countries is to land American wives so that they could escape conditions of Africa.   I've even met men who offered to pay for marriage. They have no particular allegiance to finding a black woman or even a woman  who shares their beliefs and goals only an American woman... You can best be sure that she will probably open herself up to many people who are simply trying to find some stability in this time of turmoil.

It appears to be a move of desperation.  I feel her pain I definitely hope it works for her but it is highly unlikely. Women don't want to hear it but perhaps dating a regular guy with not so good an income will satisfy their needs as well.  Date a temp worker, or a trash man and stop looking for someone based on monetary value and level of skill if you are truly lonely.  But, if you have standards that will not allow you to date "beneath" you then you should probably wait.  She has opened herself up and is a virtual sitting duck with this.  What do you think?

For those waiting on the next installment FUN FRIDAY... We're taking a holiday pause and will return in full effect Friday January 9th.  I have some facts and figures to throw at you and I want to take my time with it.  

New Jersey woman using Web to find Mr. Right by New Year's Eve 2010

BY CARRIE MELAGO 
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Wednesday, December 31st 2008, 10:32 PM

 

   Neenah Pickett of Somerset, N.J., has started a Web site,52weeks2findhim.com (below), which she hopes will help her snag Mr. Right before she rings in 2010.

   She's looking for a husband - and she's giving herself just 365 days to find him.
 
   A New Jersey woman is launching an interactive Web site Thursday with the ambitious goal of tracking down her soulmate by 2010. 
 
   Neenah Pickett, a 42-year-old media consultant from Somerset, N.J., dreamed up 52Weeks2FindHim.com while working with a company on a social networking and multimedia site two years ago. 
 
   "In 52 weeks, I hope to find him. I don't plan to walk down the aisle, but I want to meet him," she said. "Come New Year's Eve next year, I hope we'll be together." 
 
   Pickett, a bubbly Michigan native who moved to New York in her 20s, is certainly no wallflower. She was once engaged - to a man who wouldn't quite commit - and has been on more than 100 dates with men she has met online. 
 
   But as time passed, Pickett began to suspect that finding Mr. Right was going to take a more targeted effort. 
 
  "You can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results," she said of at
attempts to find love online, through friends or on blind dates. "I was just sitting there, thinking things would happen." 
 
   With her friends' and family's blessing, Pickett created the extensive Web site. It features a daily blog, videos of Pickett describing herself, testimonials from her closest friends - and, of course, a way for men to submit themselves for consideration. 
 
   Pickett expects other single ladies to use the site's discussion board, polls and articles as a resource. 
 
   Pickett - who is 5-feet-2, thinks her best quality is her lips and enjoys hiking and movies - isn't limiting herself to a certain type of man, though she'd prefer someone who shares her Christian beliefs and has a good sense of humor. 
 
   Though she comes off as practical and straightforward in conversation, Pickett's site suggests she's a romantic at heart. 
 
   For example, she admits on her blog that Barack Obamakissing his wife on Election Night "gave me goose bumps and brought tears to my eyes." 
 
   Pickett hopes to get a flood of inquiries and will even consider relocating for true love. "I'm more open to exploring different avenues," she said. "At this point, you never know how it might turn out." 
 
 
 
                                   *********************      
 
         Here's the link to Pickett's web site
 
         http://www.52weeks2findhim.com/index.html